Tonight was a hard night. Today my wonderful caregiver had to leave because his sister had a heart attack in Las Vegas and is critical. A friend of his, another experienced caretaker, is coming on Sunday but I don’t know him and the whole thing just threw me for a loop. I cried most of the day.

Michael was very aware that something was going on. After our caregiver left I was sitting by his side talking to him and he said, “I’m sorry I’m causing all these issues.” and I said “You’re not causing any issues. I just want what is best for you.” and he said “I just wish I wasn’t sick so you didn’t have to go through this.”

And I said, “It’s not your fault that you’re sick….” My voice trailed off and then I just started crying and he said, “What’s wrong?” and I said, “I miss you so much.” and I put my head on his chest and I just sobbed. And he said, “I miss you too.”

I just cried for a while, cursed the world because bastard husbands aren’t sick and my sweet husband is. He said, “Well then there are little kids who are sick. So you know it’s not fair and not just to me.” (That’s Michael. I want to stomp around about all the bad husbands who are NOT sick and he wants to remind me about the children who ARE sick).

I told him how very much I miss him and how much I really want him to know how much I love him.