Yesterday I realized that I had forgotten Michael’s username and password to his email. I’ve always had it to send his resumes or anything with attachments (he couldn’t get the hang of that) and he rarely changed it. But I sat stumped yesterday.

It seems like some things are slipping away…I know it’s natural but it feels as if something is fading….perhaps it’s not Michael…perhaps it’s just the us in us. Maintaining his computer, installing his software, troubleshooting when he got a virus, sending his resumes…those were all things that I did.

Last night when I was dead tired and dreading the ride home, I could have called him and said, “Honey, come and get me” and he would have….those are the things he did. I thought about it for a second and didn’t cry the way I sometimes do when I realize he’s not there to do that.

A woman on the bus was talking about getting her husband the golf game for the Wii and I thought, only for a second, that he would have liked that. Then I turned away.

I’m in sort of a weird, odd space right now.