I was watching VH1’s Undateable Men…what men can do to guarantee they don’t get a date and I was laughing. I would have never gone out with Michael had I listened to any of this.

1. “Manscaping.” HA. Michael was THE hairiest human being I’ve ever known. When he took off his shirt I joked about his Italian sweater. The idea of him shaving or waxing his body hair would have had him falling off the couch with laughter. He would have said, “I’m Sicilian. Deal with it.” Getting him to cut his hair or moustache or beard was usually a hassle. I could imagine asking him to remove any other hair. He would have thought I’d lost my freaking mind. Well, I liked having a man.

2. Cut off jeans. Michael didn’t wear shorts out but he did cut his jeans into shorts when they got too raggedy and he wore them around the house. AND the two legs were never even. Sometimes not even close.

3. Denim and Denim. They said to flee from any man who wore jeans and denim shirts and/or jackets. Michael sometimes wore all 3. The shirts and jackets usually said “Harley Davidson” but he wore it. A lot.

4. Can’t dance. Michael knew he couldn’t dance but I made him get up on the floor when I could. And I’d drag him around the floor. Some of the best dancers I knew were my worst nightmares. So screw the dancing thing.

There were so many others, I was laughing. Obviously cute, kind, loving, lovable and loyal didn’t count. Only if you were a hairless guy who could dance in nice clothes.

Yes, that’s what’s important. Ha. And I wonder why they’re miserable. Hmmmm….

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