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I disconnected Michael’s cell phone today. It’s taken me a long time…the last time he used is phone was November 2008…but I’ve not been able to cut it off…just feeling that it’s just him disappearing…completely emotional reaction but I just couldn’t do it…

…but paying for it was ridiculous (about $50/month)

…and the reaction from me while doing it was sobbing on the phone while speaking to Verizon…

Grief is so strange.


UPDATE:

I thought my kids would think I was crazy when they heard I just now disconnected his phone but they were all very empathic and Gina said “awww” and gave me a big hug. It’s still fairly fresh for us, I guess. I did have a great weekend with the kids and grandkids, so I trudge on….

This book, Connecting through Compassion: Guidance for Family and Friends of a Brain Cancer Patient about personality and behavior issue just came out and it sounds as if it would be very helpful.

The months before Michael’s diagnosis he was not acting like himself. The personality and behavioral changes started in June of that year (he was diagnosed in September). Even after his diagnosis and treatment he started to behave strangely. Many times I was not prepared for it–like the time we went to the grocery store and he started yelling at me because I moved him away from the salad bar where he was eating everything with his fingers. Everyone in the store was looking at us.

Another day, same store, I was trying to park and he suddenly jumped out of the car. I pulled into the space designated for pregnant women and received a lot of nasty looks when I jumped out (obviously not pregnant) and chasing Michael around the parking lot where he was walking in front of cars.

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