The 2 year anniversary of Michael’s death is next week and the 3 year anniversary of his illness is next month. Of course the anniversary is weighing on me though I have been trying to will it to not weigh on me. But it is.

I have complained over the past few years that I never dream of Michael. I would love to be with him even in my dreams. I’ve had so many dreams of so many things that seemed SO real and when I wake up it makes me smile. But I never dream of Michael and that really bothers me. Some people say it would make things worse. I don’t know.

Last night I had a dream that I was standing on the edge of a cliff screaming, “Three years is too long to feel this bad!!!” I wasn’t crying in the dream but I woke up crying.

And I feel that way…that it’s been so long. And still feels so bad.